sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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