I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
