you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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