Plan B is the new Plan A
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
