Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
