the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
