I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
