I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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