I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
