Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
