yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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