Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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