No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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