And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
