I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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