he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize