and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
