You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
