I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
operation harelip BJ is a go
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
