my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
