you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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