anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
