I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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