I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
