i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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