The maid of honor just puked.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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