Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
