I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
