yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
