I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
