mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
