wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
