ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
