I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
