Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
