This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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