I want to stick my p in your. b.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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