i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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