I feel great
I just peed on a car
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
