I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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