So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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