i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We have started to decorate penises.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
