What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
