i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
