If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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