I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
