I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
