theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
