well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
