She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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