So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
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You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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