Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
