saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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