So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
