why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
