How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
