do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
