so that wasnt chicken after all
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
