It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
