I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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