why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
