Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
