My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
