Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
