I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
