my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
you made out with another girl for some wings
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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