I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
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Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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