I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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