he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
